journals

here are all of my journals for this course hope you like them :) if not it doesnt matter they are mine not yours haha not to sound like a jerk or anything!

Friends are...important they help us all develop mentally emotionally and sometimes physically as in exersise and such friends are good to have due to the fact that sometimes our morals or our judgements are scewed in one direction or another they help give us perspective on a situation that may be unfamiliar to us they keep us balanced and sometimes they are not so healthy for us but we do learn something from every situation that we are put into with them friends if we lived our lives in solitude then we would learn nothing and the world would go nowhere people in my life good or bad help me grow but it is my choice to choose how i want them to help me in a good way or a bad one because i can learn good lessons from bad friends and bad lessons from good friends but it is all up to my descression to deside what i want to do with the information i am given at anytime in my life not my friends

free write...well graduation who would have thought i would have gotten this far who would have looked at me last year and said yep youre going to graduate next year and oh by the way it will happen and you will be sober for it ...i sure didnt think that way i thought i would be dead by now i didnt think that high school would have let me out alive plus my addiction was causing so much chaos in my life that i didnt see graduation as an option i wanted it but how bad and well the stress lately has sure been proof of how bad i want this i want it just as bad as i want to stay sober this means so much to me that when this is all over i will be so grateful for the people that have helped me along the way and helped me with everything sobriety sanity (well i dont know how well that worked ?) and school my temper and so forth i am so happy

I remember...i remember when i was a freshman in high school the thought of getting to class on time didnt even come across and the thought that anyone else had feelings other than me was yeah no people didnt have feelings i was the only one that was alowed to have any type of emotion at all when people would get mad at me i would simply say whats wrong did i do something even if i knew what it was that didnt matter i dont want to admit to something that would get me introuble but if i got caught in the act it was either stay and tell all or run run run l;ike hell and dont look back there was no connection between me and anyone else i mean i am sure that people had a thing for me but i didnt feel anything for anyone else at all i dont remember people because i didnt care my mind was always racing and trying to think of okay what now what should and could i do now ? emotions were not in my vocabulary but i remember not i am human it its okay now not perfect but okay :)

I learned...well i am not sure what this one is about is it what i learned in this class if so i learned a lot about the brain and some crazy guy doing lobotomys and just being a rather sociopath i learned that the brain is a complex organ and we still dont really understand it completely there are still many misterys but if this is about what i have learned in general then i have learned life isnt fare and niether am i. i dont have to like you but i do have to be human to you i may not approve but who was asking for my opinion if i dont like it then why i am i looking i have learned that if people talked to me like i talk to me then that would be a rather abusive relationship and that half of the things i am stressing about right now wont matter in a few years or even a few days yeah i have learned a lot in my life and today

extra journal 1... but for the grace of god if it was not for that i would not be here today i would probably be in some gutter some where it is for but the grace of god AA and a few loving supporting people in my life that i am not dead and that i have the openess honesty and willingness to be and stay sober i love that fact that everyday is a new begining and that everyday is a gift because tomorrow might not be here and i used to think that i was living in today when i was doing drugs but i wasnt i was living in yesterdays fear and tomorrows pain but today didnt exist for me i half assed everything and for what ? i ask my self its not like any one else had to take my MY! punishments for me it was my problem and no one elses so but for the grace of god i am here i am sober and im okay

extra journal 2... progress not NOT! NOT! perfection it is practice it is trying it is the effort not the out come that matters i try to do everything to the best of my abbility to live in the now to live in this very moment do i always ...no not at all if i said i did then i would be lieing to you this program of AA is amazing it helps me with all of my life because drinking and using drugs was just but a symptom of my bigger problem it is what i TRY do do with my life if it is with good intent and i believe that i am doing the will of my higher power than so be it but as soon as i take and say well i am going to do thid because this person needs my help and i am the only one who can same them hahah yeah i think i need to go back to the part where i am not NOT NOT NOT NOT perfect but i do put in some effort for progress and thats all life is to me is making progress with something